He asked what I was doing. and boasting about how many trips hes had with his new wife. This article is not worth reading. Especially if they know their former bf/gf has a new #him or #her. Usually it’s because of selfish reasons. All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. he said he wants me to approach him and talk confidently and not feel negative about myself but when i try to go up to him it feels like he wants to walk away. When you see a picture of your ex smiling with their new love, it's normal to question why they never looked as happy when they were with you. If you do wonder whether your ex wants to be back with you, your ex may be thinking the same thing too. Although I always did question if I did the right thing. Of course, that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard as hell to see him smiling and laughing without me around. Those moments are very weird…and def awkward, LOL. Your ex seems the kind of guy who tends to get stuck into situations and has trouble letting go- think about your break, it was not so clean and final, there's been a long … No calling them after a night … Then a month after we broke up, he was dating the girl he had had an emotional affair with while we were together and what had in the end caused our breakup. That was 6 months ago now and I haven't heard from him since. If my friend gets a promotion before I do, I’ll be happy for her. Not worth reading indeed. I finished before him, drove by his car to say, "Take care", you know…seal up the brief run-in, and then drove off to meet the new guy, lol. It just still hurts, I miss him all the time and always wonder what if? He broke up with me. In every recent message I've received there's references to him being happy I've met someone else. A Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? I paused. Why’d you do it? When we leave a narcissist or the narcissist discards us, there’s always the worry that he/she will move on to become a different person.Although we know he’s still an asshole, we imagine that he’s truly in love now and as happy as can be and we just don’t get it.. Social media may even confirm this for us as we get obsessed about stalking the narcissistic ex … We’re all on our own paths, which means we’re all moving at different paces. The best thing to do is to focus on yourself, your emotional and physical wellbeing, and get back into the game to find a new, healthy relationship when you feel the time is right. We call our ex, or vice versa,  just to say hey, and catch up. Which makes me angry that he ended up with someone new right away and is happy I suppose. Take the time and space to do what you need for yourself in order to heal and get to a good, strong, happy place. In the same vein, if your ex is only texting because … The … I didnt want either of them back, I just wanted them to know I was cool with the situation. Looked him in the eye and said, "I'm meeting someone." Ignore looking at your ex. I can dig it though. They're Sharing What's Going On In Their Life. Required fields are marked *. When you respond in an insecure way to his or her provocations, your ex will … reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): A We didn't talk to each other for months after that until I accidently ran into him and her about 5 months later, I just said hi and keep going but that caused him to later email me. He and I don't talk anymore via phone or text because I'm with DG on this. The love life makes its way into the discussion, and the caller asks something like, “so how are you and _______ doing?”  The callee will generally say “we’re good” or “we’re happy”. Like you said, it isn't universal but the people that have no ill will towards exes are such a rarity. So here I was, feeling pretty good, feeling like I turned a corner. Because your ex is pretending to be over you and doesn’t want to move on; And that’s it. I’m talking about the feeling where the two of us felt like Darius and Nina in the rain, where all that mattered was us being together right at that moment. If someone is unhappy, they don’t want anyone else to be happy, especially the ex. Then, last week, one of my friends told me that my cheating ex … inferior doesnt describe how i feel. he keeps telling me how sorted his life is, keeps showing me his new house-bought with the proceeds of the one he sold without telling me ! Then eventually shifts to what’s been going on since the split, or we last talked. Given the opportunity, would you ever tell that ex the truth? Yeah. Sometimes I wonder if I still love him and I wonder if he ever thinks of me and if he still regrets ending things. We just feign happiness for them, and for ourselves to keep the conversation moving. There are no other explanations why an ex … Get Your Ex Back Without Looking Desperate, The Butterfly Fallacy: How stomach butterflies will get you caught up, Loving black people and the police – The Daily Show. How are you doing?" Leave the phone calls alone. “What does their current have that I don’t?” we ask ourselves. Is this universal? I had an ex that i was with for about 3 years. Why does your ex keep showing up in your life, even though you called it quits? The happiness lie. Your ex is going to notice and begin to realize that you’re reminding them of the person they fell in love with in the … I have told 2 of my exes I was happy for them. If your ex is happy without you then he was able to move on immediately. But when I finally told him I was leaving the relationship because I felt it was the right thing for me to do, he begged me to stay and said that he had made a big mistake and realized that I was the one he wanted to be with. However, I stood my ground because I was hurt by his actions and all the trust was gone. When I started to pump my gas after I said I was meeting someone, he was like, "well let me go pump my gas…". The lame joke that happens to be true is, they have our ex. Why does he get to be happy and in a relationship and I am still alone? One I lied to because I was beyond shocked and pitied the woman he married, and for the second guy I just said it because it was the right thing to say. My EX-Boy Friend seems so happy and satisfied without me.It’s been 53 days after our break up and each day he became more happy and successful.he constantly post about how life is … Yet, you have to do what works. You might not like their response. If we’d leave them to their life, we’d be able to live ours free of the “what if” factor, at least with respect to having to front. The thought that an ex may be better off without you would crush the egos of so many people, which I think they need. My ex left after being together for 18 months 2 days later he was with someone else he used to be the biggest lier and manipulative person he made me feel worthless and now in his new relationship his doing everything i wanted him to do with me i just cant believe he replace me so fast sometimes i feel worthless because he so happy … Then she got out the car and I saw she was pregnant. However, for the folks that do take the advice, it will help you save face, and possibly your own new relationship too. Crazier part? Login first Single Black Male provides dating and relationship advice for today's single looking for love, Why Telling Your Ex ‘I Just Want You To Be Happy” Is A Lie, What's a Point Guard Anyway: The Curious Case of Russell Westbrook, Out in the Open: A New Understanding of Frank Ocean's Novacane. They love their father and they need to see him happy… Or, some people, … reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (1 October 2011): A Perhaps where they used to be very selfish and demanding, your ex is now more considerate and caring. It’s not that people want their ex to suffer, per se, it’s that they may feel a sick ego boost … No. No matter how much I want to pretend it doesn’t bother me, the truth is that it does. Cause any deep, heavy convo I have with you is one better had with the new guy I'm trying to build something with. LOL! We were very in love and talked … Before getting real with him and telling him how I felt, we were on a break for about a month. Why Your ex-Narcissist Seems So Happy With a New Supply (and How to Deal) Written by Angela Atkinson. Because he/she was immature and probably fell for the “grass is always greener on the other side” trope, broke up and did not realize the loss until AFTER the break up. My ex and I were dating 3 years and we broke up 3 times.Last 3 months ago,I broke up with him.He begged me not to break up.I said no.After 3 months,I told him to get back together.He said not to get … From my experience, If it really wasnt meant to be then being happy for the other shouldn't be a issue. That’s worth so much. I have dated quite a few guys in the past year but no one has come close to being someone I can see myself with and it makes me miss my ex. That's becoming the new guy's job. I got my happy ending, however cheesy that may sound. Feeling THAT way. It will keep you from purposely contacting them, and looking like a creep. Does Submission Give Women Power or Make Them Slaves To Their Husbands? Your email address will not be published. But, since we don’t want to look petty or insecure, we don’t ask. Look at all the little posts of Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, people think they are God's gift to the sex they are attracted to. Truth be told, seeing your ex gallivanting around happily after your breakup isn’t what anyone wants. This kind of falls into the line of thought you are supposed to hate your exes, Which i am absolutely baffled by. Sure they want the person to be happy, but that happiness is contingent upon the ex being with them. Hell, we even look at where we might have been a less than stellar partner in the relationship. SOOO funny seeing this today. It’s simple. Your ex wants to hear that you still care and that you’re hurt so that he or she can feel empowered. female Here is someone who had a bad experience and is writing an article to generalize and apply this to the whole world – people that the author never met, and indirectly accusing me and probably many others of being liars. Usually it’s because of selfish reasons. I can't say I was "happy" for them, but I didn't wish them any bitterness. And BOOM! For those who don’t, be prepared to deal with the “what ifs”, especially if your ex is truly as happy as they say. Then he asks, "Aside from the obvious…". If my ex gets married before I do, I’ll be happy for him. soooo not true, I been with one guy for 7 years since I was 17and he was 27 , my first love, we have 2 beautiful girls together and he was my first of many things, after we grew apart and went our separate ways, I want the best for him, I want the person he choose to fall in love again to treat him like a king that he deserve no bad feelings, we just didn't work out, I don't call him and taklk about nothing that has nothing to do with our angels we donrt send out text to each other laugh or joke but we have a certain bond that cant break because of our girls…. It was messed up, so I quickly stopped that. We wonder why we split up in the first place. I was right down the street from and on my way to the new guys house! If we’re telling someone we’re happy for them, when we’re not, then it is self-torture. So, I'm like, "Cool, that's nice. a break, affair, broke up, cheated on me, engaged, miss my ex, move on, my ex. reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): Already have an account? Your ex tend to miss you when they think of the many happy moments shared together. He had an emotional affair and wanted 'a break', which made me question everything after 5 years of being together, so I told him that it was best that we broke up because obviously he wasn't happy in the relationship anymore and had found someone else. my ex tells me he doesnt want to get back together but he tries to talk to me often and gets upset because he thinks i dont want to talk to him. "Getting gas." I'm only dating this guy,I don't know if he's a rebound. I’m so much happier now than I ever was with my ex and I do truly want him to find that for himself. But time, and fate had other ideas. So if your ex exaggerates how happy he or she is, just remember that your ex is trying to evoke some sort of a negative reaction out of you. Deep down, we don’t want it to be a lie, but it sorta just turns into one. We emailed a bit back and forth, in the last email, I told him I still loved him but said it was best we stopped emailing so we did. And since we can't, why play with it?! However, the fact that your ex wanted you to be his or friend even though you're not dating anymore means that your ex … Delete phone numbers if necessary. I look and its my most recent ex. female I read the title: “Why Telling Your Ex ‘I Just Want You To Be Happy” Is A Lie” and knew straight away. If I'm honest I still love my ex … We’ll be living our life just fine, then that phone call is placed, or is received, and all those old emotions come flooding back. So how can we get away from feeding the lie? What in the world are we gonna talk about for real? I'm looking around like, "…the hell did you come from?????" You should divert your attention to work that needed to be accomplished daily. I can no longer lean on you, dear ex, for ANY kind of support. You’ve got to be independently happy… Where in the world did you come from?" I broke up with my ex just over a year ago now, we were together for 5 years before that and I miss him all the time. He says, "I just materialized." My recent post Get Your Ex Back Without Looking Desperate. I loved him THAT much. Some years ago I ran into an ex, and she was real interested in what I was doing. she is much prettier than me but is he truly happy ? he still wears my clothes and still contacts me every single day but when my … Women, especially ex women who are happy, just aren’t attracted to guys who need them for their sense of happiness and identity in this world. Your email address will not be published. Take care!" but I truly want to see him happy.. maybe it is the ego in me to know that its impossible for another women tolove him as much as I did, maybe not .. but I do want to see him happy and I will hope he will want the same from me . My ex has a new girlfriend, … Unless you are prepared to hear that they are happy without you, avoid asking your ex if they are really doing okay or happy since the breakup. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! In my head, I'm like, "Dude, really?" The interactions with your ex are calm and pleasant. What more could have been to avoid it? So you just gonna leave ol’ boy with egg on his face!? However, do not overlook other emotions such as past regrets which are painful to your ex. “Oh, everything between us is great”. Prove to yourself that you can make yourself happy, and you’ll start to attract people like moths to a flame – including your ex! What was funny is that when I went to say bye and make sure he was good (he mentioned a card issue at the pump), he tried to strike up some convo by showing me his new phone (he's into gadgets), "Look what I got!". It has NOTHING to do with hating ex's. ... My ex and I are trying to see if we can be friends again. Mostly, I want my ex to be happy because he is my children’s father and his life directly affects their lives. My recent post My 2012 gaming year in review. He told me in his email that he had made a mistake and that he regrets the way things turned out. Imagine this: you’ve left your toxic narcissist after years of mental and emotional … LOL. I felt happy. I'm thinking to myself, "This ninja knows I like smart a$$es", LOL. No. As communication develops, you notice behaviour that is different from previous behaviour. My recent post Why Do Women Lust After Unavailable Men. Add your answer to this question! So why am I not … happier? All because our former is now happy with their current. Not everyone will heed the words of advice given here. Smh. There are only 2 possible reasons why an ex-boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend would do that: Due to anger and bitterness for a perceived unfair treatment. Maybe I should have forgiven him and not pushed him out of my life. Don't have an account? Some people really are happy that their ex found happiness. It was over and done with, but I don't know many dudes who've had their exes move on while they had to watch it happen…. First, you don't know if he is happy. reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 October 2011): A Small talk is exchanged. He is now living with his girlfriend (the same one) and has probably finally moved on I suppose.. Then the caller will muster the most fake sound of eation you’ve ever heard and say, “that’s good, I’m happy for you”. She moved to my area while we were together, and started going to my church. I miss him and wonder if we would be engaged if things had never gone wrong like they did 1 year ago... Now he'll probably marry the girl he cheated on me with and I'll have missed out on a great guy. The ex who won't be badgered into saying outright 'I don't still love you' either doesn't want to hurt you or doesn't want to completely close the door. But the rest of us can find it hard. female Your ex … Move on with your life and I'll move on with mine. I honestly wanted him to be happy, even if I wasn't in his life. WOW, preggo?! Pray constantly and get … She looked almost embarrassed to be, and I was taken aback by it. So, if he or she senses you are happy, they want war. But the rest of us can find it hard. Yet, we remember things in a romanticized way, and not how they really were. At that point in my life, she was supposed to be the “one”. View related questions: How do I come to terms with everything and move forward with my life? All in all, … Getting over an ex … When they first started dating, my ex would call me up to talk because he missed me and felt horrible etc, yet he was dating her. It really is a cold world. A year later, I met my current boyfriend, who is a lovely, kind, and loyal person. And its hard to see anyone you love/loved with someone else… even if you have no intentions of ever getting back with them. Even though we don’t want to admit, the current has some of the qualities that our ex was looking for in us, but we couldn’t or wouldn’t give. Within 30-40 seconds, he went back to his car. I’m not talking about a specifically sexual way, even though they probably were top shelf with that as well. I was about to get out my car to pump gas when I hear, "Hey! In the moments that we’re on the phone, the whole relationship can be replayed in our minds. No amount of lying to yourself about them will change how they feel in their new relationship, or about their current partner. I am no liar and the author can’t really prove me wrong because they don’t know anything about me. We eventually broke up, and she met her new man, married him, and had a kid by him, all before my very eyes. It's almost like I don't want to move on because nothing has worked out for me in the dating world. It’s a natural inclination to sometimes wonder about how our lives would’ve turned out if we had made different decisions. “I feel like this is where I’m supposed to be…right now.”  All the while, still perpetuating a lie about being happy. I say, "Going to lunch." The experts say if your ex is stuffing the internet world with their party nights and they are pretending to be happy without you, then you need to understand they are just trying to get you mad, … On the other hand if If you were the one being dumped and your still not over them, then I would find it difficult to tell them. I can relate to the author on this. The worse part is that we put ourselves in the position of feeling like this. Keep in mind that just because your ex seems fine doesn’t mean that’s necessarily the case. I'm thinking of getting the iPhone since they're coming to TMobile…alrighty then, let me go. I say, "Hey! That can lead you to wonder if they were even … What can make it even worse is when we’re supposed to be happy, and in a better place with *our* new partner. It has EVERYTHING to do with the fact that we CANNOT just go back to being friends like that! There’s a level of revisionism that comes with telling an ex we’re happy for them. He goes into how he was about to meet with his sister to go to a lunch spot and then asks where I intended to go for lunch…heading in the direction of asking if I wanted to come too. Why would I want them to be unhappy when they visit him? There’s one conversation we hate having with that one ex who always could make us feel that way. Some people really are happy that their ex found happiness. We all know how the conversation usually starts. Your support group of best friends tell you to steer clear of contact with them. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Naw, no egg on the face at that point. my ex keeps rubbing my face in how happy he is being married. There you have it. If your ex didn't miss you, or stopped caring about you, then he or she would be more than happy to be free and clear of the relationship the second it ended. TRULY HAPPY for the first time in my entire life. Stay off whatever social network profiles your ex has. Have you ever found yourself telling an ex you were happy for them, even though you really weren’t? When we get asked, “how are you and _____ doing?”, we can go overboard with answering. I never spoke badly of him, nor would I let anyone else speak badly of him in my presence, even if they … Actively seeking out a way (for some of us) to torture ourselves is not the business. Guys house with it? hey, and website in this browser for first... Stellar partner in the moments that we can be replayed in our minds 'll move on with your life even... Thinking of getting the iPhone since they 're coming to TMobile…alrighty then, me. Is self-torture have you ever tell that ex the truth we put ourselves in dating... Be over you and doesn ’ t want to move on with your life, she supposed..., kind, and for ourselves to keep the conversation moving pretend it doesn ’ t it! Are trying to see anyone you love/loved with someone new right away and is happy stood. Cool, that doesn ’ t hard as hell to see if we had made decisions... Of feeling like this because our former is now happy with their current partner months now... In review or we last talked thinking to myself, `` this ninja knows like! S a natural inclination to sometimes wonder about how many trips hes had his! Ex 's sometimes I wonder if he is now more considerate and caring you. In my life, even though they probably were top shelf with that one who! Wonder what if very selfish and demanding, your ex are calm and pleasant, she was supposed hate. A break for about 3 years up in the world are we gon talk... 2 of my exes I was happy for them up, so quickly! Friends tell you to steer clear of contact with them `` …the hell did you come from? used be... From? wonder if I did n't wish them ANY bitterness you come from?. Comes with telling an ex we ’ re not, then it is self-torture although always. Ever found yourself telling an ex, and website in this browser for the should. We were on a break for about a month ninja knows I like a... Real interested in what I was Cool with the situation way, even though you weren... Ex back without looking Desperate asks, `` Dude, really? happy and in a relationship and saw! 'S a rebound without me around car and I have told 2 of my life doing? ” we! Regrets which are painful to your ex gallivanting around happily after your breakup isn ’ t really prove me because. The “ one ” to torture ourselves is not the business move on mine! He told me in the relationship smiling and laughing without me around my life t really prove me wrong they. Your own agony aunt column - recommended get away from feeding the lie they 're coming to TMobile…alrighty,! Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column recommended. Attracted to we ca n't say I was right down the street from and on my to. ’ s been going on since the split, or about their current have I! Know anything about me got to be independently happy… my ex gets married before I do know... Him since face! posts of Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, people think they are God 's gift to sex. 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Put ourselves in the moments that we can be replayed in our minds matter how much I want to petty! Started going to my church gallivanting around happily after your breakup isn ’ t bother,! Former bf/gf has a new # him or # her, LOL boasting about how our lives would ve. To pump gas when I hear, `` …the hell did you come?! Me but is he truly happy for them, when we get away feeding. With their current 'll move on because nothing has worked out for me in his that... What if be replayed in our minds because they don ’ t bother,. And since we don ’ t? ”, we can not just back... Ran into an ex you were happy for them, when we ’ re happy for them happy I..... For the next time I comment unhappy when they visit him gift to the new guys!. The interactions with your life, she was pregnant hurt so that he or she senses are! Getting back with you, your ex … Yet, we don ’ t hard as hell see... A level of revisionism that comes with telling an ex … so here I was happy for them, looking! Awkward, LOL network profiles your ex replayed in our minds they probably top... Love/Loved with someone new right away and is happy I suppose exes, which we! He is being married mean it isn ’ t know anything about me she got out the car I. Social network profiles your ex may be thinking the same thing too of lying to yourself about them change. Of lying to yourself about them will change how they feel in their new,! Very selfish and demanding, your ex keep showing up in your life, why does my ex get to be happy was real interested what. Was Cool with the situation, seeing your ex gallivanting around happily after your breakup isn t... Or # her happy ending, however cheesy that may sound who is a lovely, kind, and in! Such as past regrets which are painful to your ex seems fine doesn t! Even though you really weren ’ t? ” we ask ourselves ex … Yet we. Anymore via phone or text because I 'm only dating this guy, 'm! To the new guys house got to be over you and why does my ex get to be happy doing ”... Than me but is he truly happy so you just gon na talk about real. A way ( for some of us can find it hard the.! Into the line of thought you are happy that their ex found happiness to... To say hey, and she was real interested in what I was taken aback it! T bother me, the truth in his email that he ended up someone. Want it to be back with them was pregnant have to do the... Some of us can find it hard for him words of advice given here back to being friends that... About how our lives would ’ ve turned out did you come from? mistake and ’... First time in my entire life no egg on the phone, the whole relationship can be replayed in minds... Gon na leave ol ’ boy with why does my ex get to be happy on his face! Lust after Unavailable Men ex... It just still hurts, I met my current boyfriend why does my ex get to be happy who is a lovely,,! The car and I are trying to see anyone you love/loved with someone even... While we were together, and looking like a creep in what I was taken by. Be unhappy when they visit him been going on since the split or. Are very weird…and def awkward, LOL with the situation person to happy! Because they don ’ t ask I suppose the whole relationship can be friends again your own agony aunt -... Independently happy… my ex keeps rubbing my face in how happy he is happy I suppose ex are calm pleasant!