In ways that I doubt he even always notices. I too have found that nobody seems offended if I respond with a cheerful: Why? Without answering their question at all. I loathe this question, and Ive been getting it a lot lately. (In this case it was never exactly meant to result in actually doing anything), Them We need to have lunch soon Nah, Why do you ask is generally pretty safe to take literally. I dont know why shes not a foreign diplomat with all the people she can bring together. You (if you are up for it potentially) yeah, thatd be fun You get to notice pretty fast that your opinions, feelings and thoughts dont matter if they dont conform to a view of the world that doesnt let them look like heroes and you like a cultural clich. Whats shes for is waiting on and attending to others, and without an opportunity to do that, she must be sitting alone rocking back and forth in the dark. No, just running some errands. Do you know the meaning of the weekend? It feels like they expect me to put in the majority of the effort, and it would be nice if once in a while instead of saying I dont see you enough they would say Would you be up for meeting up at the coffee shop on my town on Saturday if [their issues] allow? But its not something thats going to change, so I smile and nod at their noises and continue to plan things with them at exactly the rate I feel like doing so (including making extra effort if theyre going through a really tough thing). 9 Funny Tinder Messages That Work Like Magic (2023) - VIDA Select 150+ Funny and Witty Answers to the Question "How Are You?" 10 Funny Out of Office Messages You Will Want to Copy I completely agree that when it comes to a duty (like babysitting) this question is somewhat unfair. And take LWs at their word, maybe? Note that LW says when it comes to friend-peer interactions, its fine, other than reminding LW of the more problematic interactions. "See, I will finally make you smile.". I also trained myself to say, Oh just marathoning *show I like* or I picked up a new book and cant wait to dive in! which they translate to doing a thing. (I suppose they thought that before I responded that way. I like to piss her off so Im honest with her. Here are some of the most humorous replies to "How are you?" Table of contents: I'm Better on the inside than I Look on the outside Can't Complain. If it is in fact a lead up to an invitation or request I can always either find room for it or say I dont have time. Oh, the usual, you? It is a question that can be answered or echoed and nobody minds too much. That way, he proudly announced, he never owed them a favor in return. So nowadays Ill say something like Im probably going to do [X], but thats not urgent if you want to hang out instead! or I need to do [X] but I have time for a quick dinner if youre interested. (People who are not the boything get oh, Ive got laundry because theres almost nobody else Im willing to make same-day plans with. And I understand many of your points. 14 "It was a riot! In that case I would begin with the duty: I need a babysitter. I also get your daughter refusing to comply with requests that arent made with at least normal adult civility it was not even a request, in fact, but an order. Ive found that Why do you ask? comes across as a little cold or accusatory over text, but can be really warm/ friendly in person or over the phone. We can debate all day whether that should be true, but it is. (So Tuesday is the only day safe from that question, ha. And with some people it is pretty transparently a question with the subtext of let me mooch off of your free time and/or the things you do in your free time are stupid and wrong. "You know I can do this anytime.". This one calls for what I call the Gladys response, because I saw it articulated by a woman named Gladys. Its any individuals choice whether the tradeoffs are worth it. It might be helpful to reframe this, because the vast majority of the time its not going to be meant as a high-pressure question. But I have wondered if I answer with imaginary bf and I have x-plans, if the questions would stop. And its hard to argue with. I really like this point! I dont know whether youre being too thoughtful or not thoughtful enough here. Umm.pardon me, I wasn't listening. [Reposting because it looks like my first comment was eaten.]. People on a dating site who ask what youre up to on Thursday are not literally asking what youre doing Thursday. Its an opener, like Hot enough for you? Or How about that sportsquad at the sportsmatch? The content of your answer is secondary to the dynamic of conversation. It helps that at this point in my life Ive stopped associating with people who dont understand that sometimes you can only have so much fun and then you need some time to like, open all your mail and pet the cat. LW gets that we all know this, and should be less friggin bigoted about shoving our nosy questions at a population for whom nosy questions are constantly tied to real threats of violence. :) Hope you like our compilation and try to stay serious ,please . Yeah, I do the same. They dont really need the details, and wouldnt know what to do with them. This will hopefully lead to the two of you sharing what your plans are and possibly hanging out. Thank you!!! A simple, 'We hope you're doing well' will suffice," a Deadline editor tweeted. Which I guess was appropriately scary for the season? Nothing much. (To the point where one of my coworkers will sometimes ask What are you doing this weekend? Early on in dating the boything, he would ask what I was doing that night in a way that made me think it was small talkso Id say oh, Im working on [project] probably, or I might just have an early night. And then he would assume I wasnt free, whereas if he would have said hey do you want to have dinner? I would have been on board. Ask back? How about you?. Invitations are not commands. Young women and girls are not stupid. This isnt a high-stakes issue like the LW that was abusing their partner. Here are some days you can disappointedly shake your head at and postpone the event until some hazy future date when a Wednesday sees you free. Im still seething. I get that youre saying you dont do this often and you see it as a minor part of your relationship. Some variation of were busy or we have plans works better. For example, if there were a certain number of hours per week or month that she needs to work at certain things you set, Im not seeing a problem. Simply say something you're obviously not doing. This way Im letting them know why in the same breath, and giving them a potential out. Born and bred in southern California, how are you? asked of/by a stranger functions, for me, like any scripted greeting, pretty comparable to an all right with or without the interrogative in that a detailed (or even particularly honest) response is not expected and in many cases wont be acknowledged because it wont be heard (because no one is listening for it). - Anthony Burgess - Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week. How about you? If they push after that, theyre admitting theyre either not listening or not respecting my feelings. (Women with STEM doctorates especially get constant streamers of this kind of contempt from their families.). My husbands family is large and I generally love them, but sometimes I just do not want to eat little smokies and chips with 40 other people in a loud house with tons of screaming children. Situation #4: You have to say "no.". Also, if you want people to drop the polite social conventions and be direct with youmaybe try directly telling them this? If theyre someone who usually only asks me to do fun stuff, I may say Free as a bird, as long as I dont have to plan on getting up too early. Shampooing the grass. You (if you are up for it potentially) yeah, thatd be fun Baking a cake. Whereas it might feel more awkward/imposing for her, and less for me, to just ask outright, Do you want to go to [event] on [this day]?. Good, I just saw the cutest squirrel.. 15 Customer Service Email Response Samples for Any Situation I have done that just doing errands/washing the car/housekeeping/taxes/library/walking the dog you? and still gotten a but are you doing anything FUN follow-up question(s). It makes you feel like whatever you do, you are expected to conform to being othered. Nowadays I usually use The Captains great script: I do not know yet, I have to check my calendar. Yes, my current circles understand introversion well, even the ones who themselves are extraverts . Its also pretty casual, and most people automatically reply to that question because its so common. 200 Sarcastic Quotes 1. I think w/ friends, if youre open to the getting together, you can say, Were you thinking of trying to get together? in a hopeful tone. I also see are you free Saturday? or What are you doing tonight? as potential traps and in part its because in college the manager of the dining hall I worked at would call, start with What are you doing tonight? and then argue that whatever I said was less important than covering a shift for someone. If you have a new question, start a new topic. Born and raised in the US, and I also think this is a weird question not to answer literally. Most dont mean to be manipulative, and if thats not their intention, Why, whats up? wont bother them in the slightest, nor will never finding out what you actually are doing next Thursday or what you did with that time if you turned them down. Are you planning something?. I particularly enjoyed the bergamot top notes in the. Neighbor! But, I think the conclusion there is, thats not on me. Man, that sounds great, but I know Im forgetting something on my calendar. This is about the blandest, most banal small talk question I can think of.). Are you asking where are you from of every person you meet the first time, or only of those whose appearance/accent makes you suspect they are not from your locality? 21. Thats just how some people ask I suppose. I dont have strong preferences but I do get hangry, so Ive learned to step up and be the Designated Control Freak. With friends, I might have the motive of finding time to hang, but often its just to find something to talk about. No matter how old you are, you don't want to be badgered about your life choices. I dont know what would do the most damage for NYCs daughter long-term, but I do know that no matter the form it ultimately takes, the preservation of parental lines of dominance into the adulthood of the child will do real damage long-term. And the balls in their court if they were actually trying to set up something fun. And it is really freaking wearing on them that people in the UK will correct them if they say theyre British. Fill in the gaps using the correct form of Future Simple Tense. )/co-workers, who usually uses the So what are you doing this weekend? as an opener to telling me all the awesome stuff theyve planned for themself for the weekend. Makes sense. It's nice that they want to know about your plans, but their curiosity can feel more like an interrogation. Theres always some kind of obligation, because theyre my parents and I love them and I want to honor what theyve done for me in giving me a great life. Lets just say there were a few comments along the lines of look, if this Pampered Chef isnt your personal yaoi cup of tea, thats fine, but do you have to be so judgy about what your friends into?, Exactly! Same as being busy all the time rather than saying, No, I dont want to hang out. Its the more broad-scope? Thaaats what Im telling myself about my children anyway. If youre female and you answer, and then he decides your time sounds like it should be at his disposal and asks for a date, and you dont want to go, now youre stuck in that ugly probabilistic space where various sorts of threats, anger, and violence may be coming at you. In the age of smartphones I also often find that my calendar is inside the device Im holding up to my ear In theory I could ask them to pause the conversation while I check the calendar, but I havent yet found a script to actually get them to stop talking while I do that. The asker might want the invitee to give some input on what theyd like to do, but thats not the same as expecting them to do all the planning. and get back to work.) Its usually along the lines of what are you doing on April 17th? Of course I dont likely have plans that far away, and I feel tricked into committing to be his date for some boring thing on a precious Saturday evening. Im sure to him thats bewildering, but to me its bewildering that for so long he simply refused to choose to behave with appropriate respect. This auto-reply is just to let you know. Am I Really? Flip the question back to them. Yep, my wife and I too. And I have an aunt who, when I was younger, my preferring to do nothing plans often translated in her head to free babysitting for her boys. If you cant imagine feeling the same way as the LW, that doesnt make the LWs feelings bad or less-than. This business of judging what another adult does with their leisure hours (with the obvious caveat that they harm no one) is bad enough, but insisting on the right to interrupt that time to set another adult extra chores is unreasonable in most circumstances, and not good for anybody. After answering you always ask the other person in return how they are, and they respond in kind. What are you doing this weekend? The people who are asking what are you doing this weekend? before making a request are taking away the LWs easy out that is, by getting LW to admit that he/she/they are free, the option to refuse with Oh, sorry, I have plans already is no longer there. Ive never found it made any difference at all for invitations its not like I told them how much time each activity Im doing will require or what other boring chores I will also be doing. I am fond of: Oh, you know how it is. But the thing is that people who were born in other contries than here (Sweden) ask me where Im from all the time. Them (if it was an invitation prequel) would Thursday at noon work for you?, Them We need to have lunch soon You can answer a pleasant: Nothing much! or Youre looking at it, breakfast was great! or I hope you get some free time later today, the weather is lovely! without worrying about it at all. Answer vaguely. But its all about context, and thats not the context the LW is talking about. Why do you ask, why, is something happening, and why, whats up are different answers that extend the convo while not telling porkies. I feel like my best friend and I do this back and forth a lot, but thats because we understand there are tiers to plans. Soft invites in my friend circle are more just a mutually understood shorthand for I value your friendship so Im going to express a genuine desire to hang out even were both depressed and introverted and therefore the likelihood of this actually happening is pretty low.. What about you? After reading comments, Ive come to the conclusion that Ive over-generalized my preference (anxiety? It all feels like a gross, stupid game I dont want to play. How should I respond? This is OT, but if someone would like to explain how its supposed to work in the US, Id appreciate it. What are you up to? for those I am not interested in carving out space for.). So yeah, I feel that part too. When we nearly got evicted from our housing situation, I was critically busy trying to find an apartment for me and the housemates, and it kind of annoyed me to have friends pinging me like Heyyy, I miss you, can we get lunch this week, without finding out if I was actually available first. I think it would be odd to preemptively take that away. I make it about my feelings for a bunch of reasons. Bonus points if you say something that makes zero sense, but you end up getting your family to look at you like a genius anyway.