Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. The Army will post guards around the building. Baltimore, said Dad. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. Caller: Do you have his right number? and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. Bad altitude. Because the Army needed heroes too. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. When Is Military Appreciation Month? The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. Marine: Wait, stop. Me: Still the wrong number. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Do not attempt to shave with fire. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Looking for military boot camp jokes? A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! 54. You divertyour course! Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . R-i-i-ing!) 1. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. Why were the Marines invented? We were a tough group. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. 4. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. The other replied, Not me! Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. Yes, said the lieutenant. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. What do hungry Marines eat? 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation - Pinterest It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. USMC: OHH! Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. He is the Founder and . An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. How tough? ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. She also liked her scotch. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Officer: Soldier. Did you make it all by yourself? I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? A LOOtenant! 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2023 Edition) - Marine Approved I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Caller: OK. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Killed bin Laden. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? Then came Dads ships turn. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? Aviation Humor - F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. Our Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA No, we dont, she said. Read more. Heres what they came up with: Full Disclosure Here. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. you cant do both. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. 38. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. 39. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Soldier: Sure, buddy. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. I say again, stand down and divert your course. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. Eternal Piece During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. They all originally set out to become Marines. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. with someone braver than you.'. 45. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. Pizza de Resistance The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. He needed COVER! Nothing, she said. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! He then made his way to my side. Marine: Wait, stop. Takeoffs are optional. U.S. Air Force Grounds Hundreds of Jets: Their Tails May Fall Off How much noise can we make up here? The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. 18. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. ! She also liked her scotch. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. The Best Aviation Jokes - Ridge Landing Airpark !" Marine: "Wait, stop. Of course, he responded. 12. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. Killed bin Laden. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. What would As A.J. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. This is really good, he said. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! Why arent there any insects in an Army base? There are many branches of the military. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. 100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns | Kidadl 3. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Want more amazing military jokes? I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. Ive been sandblasted.. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. Marines Say OOOOORAH! Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Dont think so? 49. Auld Lang Slice But I am public affairs, I said. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. Flight Announcements 4. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. This site contains affiliate links. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. "They're all mine. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. He thought he would be home about 13:30. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". Altitude is life insurance. 46. Now he likes peanuts.. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! A PETTY officer! If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? Are you sure you followed the recipe?. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. (Hang up. 27. The two lads objected strongly. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. 36. Fish Food. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. They want their patients to see 20:20! She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. St. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? Individual use is by implied consent. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. These 105+ Airplane Jokes Will Surely Soar At Your Next Party - Scary Mommy Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. A friend paid my mother a visit. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. What do hungry Marines eat? They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. We were a tough group. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. SUB sandwiches! You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. Aviation JOKES. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. 2. Unless you can be Batman. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. I was the cook.. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Where are you from? The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. You had tents?" The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Its not weak, he replied. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. 42. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Whats an LMD? I asked. He nodded. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. We are directly under the moon.. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! 'I could see the bones in my hands.' F-84 pilot tells the story of when You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. The tenant shook her head. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. In-dough-structible Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers.