5. Before I go any further, I want to briefly go over what the no contact rule is exactly. But that just serves to show how neglectful the person thinking this is, and how little value they are placing on themselves over their exes’ needs and desires. Show them. As I will explain going forward, your best bet, by far, is still to remain in no contact and that means not reaching out to your ex by text, phone call, social message, smoke signals, letter, or any other form of communication at all if it can be helped (and it can).. No contact means . This means no calls, no texts, no emails, no DMs, no carrier pigeon, nothing! There is nothing worse than thinking you’re emotionally ready for contact, and then losing it once you actually get a call from your ex boyfriend or worse when he shows up at your door. No Contact Period. Respond To Your Ex’s Text If You Deem It To Be An Emergency or Critical Information. Therefore, it is always better to wait longer and be safe than sorry to achieve this than be overzealous and over-shooting the ongoing attempt to get back with your ex. All she has to do is wish him good luck and say she’s going to move on too and he will usually start chasing after her. ignoring her texts, being mean to her, trying to make her feel bad for breaking up with you). Whatever his reasons though, neither option is very appealing to me. It prevents us from continuing making mistakes or making any in the first place. My Ex Wants Me Back Now That I’ve Moved On Without Her, 4 Examples of How to Stop Romanticizing Your Ex. So, when it comes to responding to an ex after No Contact, using a bit of humor is a great way to break the ice and take the bite off any negative feelings she may be holding onto about you. So, I decided that I was going to break this process down into four steps for you. So, don’t brag about your life to your ex via text, even if you are really having a great time. It’s because people need meaning behind the most important things in their life. We tell you exactly how to contact your ex. It didn’t mean anything. After all, you applied the no contact rule because you believed it would really help you and your ex-girlfriend. Question: After 4 months of no contact, my ex-girlfriend texted me to see how I am doing. It's only available here. If you just text her, it’s so much easier for misunderstandings to happens. Then, rather than saying, “Okay, sure. No. So, if you want to get your ex back, it’s very important that you maintain your confidence with her. She doesn’t seem very interested in something he says and instead of turning it around by making her laugh and smile, he overreacts by trying to be super funny, giggly or cute to hopefully get a reaction out of her. This will actually pique her interest and make her eager to get your reply. *** ∼ Brida Paulo Coelho You have most likely heard about the “no contact after break-up rule,” which basically consists of taking a specific period of time shortly after a break-up – usually a minimum of four weeks – where you do not contact your ex in any way, shape or form. She plays hard to get and instead of laughing it off, he becomes insecure. A classic technique that we always encourage our clients to implement is a handwritten letter. Essential #3 Make the first Move After No Contact. Yet, what often happens is that the guy gets so caught up in a back and forth conversation with his ex, that he eventually texts her something along the lines of, “Hey, why don’t we get together sometime?”. "Don't allow your ex to make you feel guilty for setting boundaries and limitations on how you will interact with them. “No Contact” gives us space to calm down, decompress, thoroughly analyze the current state of affairs, and look at it with a clear head. So what do you say when your ex contacts you during no contact (or after no contact)? Sometimes a guy spends hours thinking about how to respond to his ex. This time, however, you’ll be able to implement parameters that promote respect. Coach Steven. She will then feel drawn to you in a way that feels good to her and she will then want to be a part of your great life too. Or you may be communicating your successes to mutual friends, which is another mistake people make after no contact, in hopes that your friends will relay this information to your ex. Our expertise will be able to clear the fog for you and shed some light on your unique situation and the path forward towards reconciliation with your ex. However, if you mess her around, you will probably be the one who loses out in the end. You may be updating your social media profiles consistently enough for your ex to see your updates of the new and improved you from time to time. She can’t really get that proof via text though, because it’s just a bunch of words on a little screen. In some cases a guy will use No Contact as a way of making his ex miss him and come running back. They should feel like you are enjoying life and don’t have hard feelings towards them. A lot of people feel that no contact is a rule that … Instead, put all that behind you and focus instead on rebuilding her feelings of respect and attraction for the man that you are now. Why? After a period of no contact has passed, it will be time to reach out to your ex. The excuse given by her ex was that his parents wanted to go on holiday and asked her whether she was interested. I just can’t relax and enjoy my interactions with him anymore. This is also about you. They need to know that they earned it, struggled for it, overcame the challenge that stood in the way of getting what they wanted. Then, rather than giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming that he is feeling relaxed, confident and self-assured when he sent her a text to ask her to meet up, she might just continue thinking about him based on how she felt when him and her broke up (i.e. What to do when your ex reaches out to you during no contact: The simple answer The entire process of getting an ex back is about self discipline, honesty, and personal development. I know, I know. It’s completely meaningless. 3. Yet, in most cases, when a guy is bragging about how wonderful his life is without his ex, it’s usually because the opposite is true and in reality he’s actually feeling depressed and miserable without her. 4. It allows us to come back with a plan and make sure we are in the proper mindset, free of emotional dependency, unfearful of rejection, and devoid of any need for validation from our ex. Think about it: who expects to receive “letters” or anything that isn’t a coupon booklet, a bill, or a notice, in the mail in this day and age? The trauma and changes that occurred after the breakup took up a lot of time from the important reflection step in which you look at the relationship, pray, and try to see what went wrong and why. Well, you have to restart your No Contact Rule over from the get go. no contact. Texting after no contact can be a good way to informally reconnect in certain situations, especially in short term relationships, where, chances are, there hasn’t been enough time or significantly meaningful events to warrant a handwritten letter or lengthy, thought-out e-mail. Imagine you were a boxer in a fight. anger, frustration, disappointment). Yet, when she initiates contact by sending him a text message, rather than respond to her, make her feel some sparks of attraction and then proceed to a call and a meet up so that he can get her back, he instead decides to play hard to get (e.g. I thought it was possible for us to work things out, but I see now that he’s not the man for me.”. Exes are constantly looking for a reason to justify their decision for the breakup and will go to great lengths to prove it. I think that the most important thing you can focus on if you’re having thoughts about you and your ex again after a call, is that it didn’t mean anything. By then using your newfound control to build positive momentum through goal achievement, reflection, and discipline you become a stronger you independent of her. However, I do not recommend texting if you don’t have a gameplan for what to say to your ex after no contact. No contact after a breakup is for the person who was dumped and their personal development just as much as it is to get their ex back. How To Deal When Your Ex Is Suddenly Back In Touch Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good! You sit on your stool, get a drink of water, catch your breath, repair any damage your opponent may have done, and  have your trainer analyze your performance and accordingly adjust the game plan for you [insert link to coaching page], if necessary. If I had to make a bet, I would say social media is one of the chief culprits in disrupting both parties’ efforts to give each other space while the no contact rule is in effect. When you are able to place your value above your ex’s, you are able to hold your position from a place of confidence and self-assuredness. I hope while you’ve been out of contact you’ve also been tending to the other aspects of the No Contact method: practising self-care and … No Contact Success: Gia (2 months) It was June 2015, and I sat on the beach with her. There is no quicker, more effective way to get an ex woman back than what Dan teaches in this secret video. This is why, if you want to ask your ex to meet up, it’s much better done on a phone call. He’s moving on without me! "If you plan on reconnecting with your ex, set clear boundaries on what you hope to achieve from rebuilding a friendship or relationship," said Marline Francois-Madden, LCSW and CEO of Hearts Empowerment Counseling Center. And you’re not going to have much luck getting them back if you don’t talk to them in a healthy, productive manner that’s improved from how you guys communicated with each other before. I just have to make sure that I continue to play it cool, so that she will chase after me and desperately want me back. However, if he responds in ways that turn her off, rather than give him another chance, she will usually think something along the lines of, “Contacting him was a mistake. I’m actually laughing and enjoying interacting with him. © 2021 Elite Communication Coaching, LLC. So, what often happens is that the woman hasn’t heard from her ex for a while, so she sends him a feeler text to see why he’s not talking to her. Instead, reply in a positive, mature manner. Contact Your Ex. Your must keep certain strategic … As a result, he puts way too much effort in his messages and comes across as being too tense, emotional, formal or like he’s just sitting around waiting to hear from her. If the guy can re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for him, she will drop her guard and open back up to him to see where things go from there. This is why, if he suddenly begins to play hard to get, she might think, “If he thinks that he can mess me around just because I contacted him, he can think again. First off, congratulations my friend! Life is so good since we broke up.”, Essentially, he’s hoping that she will feel a bit jealous and start thinking things like, “Oh no! Intimacy Booster Texts. So often, I get asked this so I figured I would clear the air and break it all down for you. It makes me wonder whether he’s changed at all and what his motives are for asking me to meet up via text. I can unsubscribe at anytime with a click. It wouldn’t be called what it is if you weren’t planning on getting back with your ex, or else it would be called “Moving on with your life!” Re-establishing communication with your ex is implied, and it is one of, if not, the most integral part of reconciling with your ex. Instead, meet up with her in person and let her see for herself that you’re a confident, emotionally independent man now, but that you still care about her and want her back. She may then begin wondering what you’re up to and imagine that you might be hanging out with friends, a new girl or doing something so interesting that you don’t have time to reply to her. ***True love allows each person to follow his or her own path, aware that doing so can never drive them apart. Watch a secret video by Dan Bacon where he reveals the fastest way to get your ex back. He then responds with something along the lines of, “It’s so good to hear from you! Certainly don’t tell them! Enter your email below to watch the video for FREE right now. You want to keep perspective and focus. Always keep in mind that we want to initiate contact with an ex from a strong position of power and confidence. Hey my ex has reached out to me after 5 weeks of no contact. If you don’t, you may be shocked when one day she sends you a message saying something like, “Hey, I’ve got some great news I want to share with you. If there’s one question my team and I come across most often from the clients we coach is, “How long should I wait before initiating contact after no contact?” The truth is that there is no objective right answer to that question or a strict formula to follow, just like there isn’t a right or wrong answer for what to do after the no contact rule. The responsibility falls equally on both you and your ex to figure out what to do after the no contact rule and establish contact after no contact. I’m in love with someone and I’m really happy. I tend to grasp material much better when it is structured. If you want her back, you have to be bold and take the actions required to get her back for real. Then, if some other guy comes along and makes her feel attracted, she will hook up with him instead. So, after I recap what the no contact rule is and why we do it, we’ll get to the good stuff. We can help you get laid or get a girlfriend, fix your relationship or marriage that has lost its spark, or get your ex girlfriend or wife back after a break up or divorce. It can’t when you act like a respectable human being. I heard from one of my exes this past week. Question: My girlfriend of 2yrs decided 5 weeks ago that she wanted “a break” with no contact. Whatever the case, there are many reasons why he may reach out to you that are not because he still loves you. My Ex Contacted Me How Do I Respond? Conversations held via texting can easily be de-escalated and diffused, if need be, by simply putting your phone down and walking away. . So, if he asks her if she’s changed her mind, without first actively re-sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for him, she’s usually going to pull away and say, “No.”. Remember: A woman can easily find out if a guy is really happy without her, or if he’s only putting on an act. Instead, it’s about not being overly available to her every time she texts you. Remember: As the man, it’s up to you to initiate the ex back process. Remember – if you get caught up in emotional responses and break the no contact rule, you will have to start the 30 day no contact period all over again. I wanted you to be one of the first to know, because you’re such a good friend to me now.”. Remember, the no contact rule is also there for you to reestablish your own worth within the future relationship with your ex. Then getting her back will be easy.”. Once this message is sent, Step 3: No Contact Period begins. Dan Bacon is 100% committed to helping men succeed with women. Across the Bow Texts. Things don’t necessarily have to happen immediately. No contact is not eternal; you have to talk to your ex after 3 or 4 weeks (or slightly longer, depending on your unique situation) and begin to re-introduce the relationship. It takes a lot of hard work and self-discipline to get this far. You are focusing to much on your ex. What To Do After No Contact If He Hasn’t Contacted You. Well I've never used Linkedin so I don't really know too much about it. For example: If his ex asks, “So, how have you been?” he might respond with something like, “Having a wonderful time these days. Although in some cases using No Contact on a woman makes her miss her ex and she may then reach out to him to say “Hello” and to find out why he’s been ignoring her, it doesn’t guarantee that she will get back with him. During the no contact period, you want to make sure not to make any contact with your ex in whatever circumstance. However, that approach almost always backfires and he completely misses out on the opportunity to meet up with her, reactivate her feelings and get her back. The goal is not to hold out for a set amount of time. So, if you want to get back into a relationship with your ex, you can’t stick to texting and expect that to happen. But it also has indirect implications. Maybe contacting him was a mistake. I’m not putting up with his childish behavior. He asked how I was & asked for some advice about his mums friend he needed some hospital advice ( we had the same condition ) I was polite and gave him some information. The Seed Letter. We later found out that it was her ex that suggested to his parents to ask her along. It doesn’t matter the type of person or the type of relationship. Please complete this quick form to gain instant access. What is wrong with him? Almost there! Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that just because a woman is texting him and possibly even being nice and sweet towards him, it doesn’t mean she isn’t busy moving on and hooking up with and dating other guys. These are: 1. She knows that her ex could be saying one thing and feeling another, so in most cases, a woman will naturally be suspicious of anything her ex texts her. So don’t count the days during or after no contact. I think I’m better off just forgetting all about him and moving on with my life.”. Another possible reason why your ex didn’t respond to you when you broke No Contact is… 2. Yes, we will look at what you should be doing during no contact and after, to best help you get back with your lover. On that note, I emphasize again that the most important factor that determines how successfully you implement the no contact rule is not the length of time the strategy is implemented for, but rather, the quality of the work you invest in order for you to come out a better you. Here’s how you should do it if you want her back: It has been said that laughter is the best medicine. You’re still getting used to “You 2.0”, and you’re constantly fighting against old patterns so that the new ones can take hold. “Should I contact him after the no contact period?” Towards the beginning of this guide I went on this whole rant about how the no contact rule can still be working even if your ex doesn’t contact you. By necessity, if you want your ex back, you must try something new in order to create something better than before. So, if your intention is to get your ex back, you’ve got to do what works. She did not pick up. Anyway, let’s get back to the concrete talk on how to respond and act when an ex girlfriend contacts you again. He seems so different now. 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